Still not satisfied with your presidential options? Here are some of the more amusing independent and third-party candidates you can wastecast a vote for in November. There’s a “vampire,” a marijuana proponent, and a wholistic healer. God bless America!
“Average Joe” Schriner: An average Joe for president. Shriner wants us to “…imagine that!” The common man with common sense and uncommon solutions wants you to give him your vote once again. According to his website, Average Joe ran in 2000 and 2004 too. At least that’s what I gathered from the 0 and 4 crossed out before the 8 in a stroke of graphic genius on his site’s banner. Here’s what Joe wants you to know:
“I jog through the streets of Cleveland, Ohio, in a pair of gray sweats. My favorite spot to eat is the “Old-Fashion Hot Dogs” place around the corner (chili-dogs a buck and a quarter). What’s more, I cut my own lawn. Oh, and I’m running for president.”
Isn’t it great when presidential candidates make their campaign an afterthought?
Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey: The Impaler, as his fans affectionately refer to him, is the founding member, and 50 percent of the total membership, of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party. The Federal Election Commission actually recognizes the party. There is nothing I could possibly say about Sharkey that is better than what he writes about himself on his MySpace page.
“I am asking for everyone to please forget about my religious beliefs. Yes, I am a satanic vampyre (sic), and a Hecate witch…That is not what I am running on…It’s very simple. If you want to live in peace and have child molesters, rapists, killers, drug dealers, and terrorists impaled, instead of getting off easy then vote for me. It’s that simple…I will bring Americans peace of mind.”
Somehow this looks more ominous written in all caps on his site. Oh, and his mentioning that if you “attack someone I love, killing you will be as easy as breathing to me. I will make Rambo look like Mother Teresa,” disturbs me a little. Sounds like a good campaign slogan, though: “I will make Rambo look like Mother Teresa.” He’s got my vote!
The Draft Bloomberg committee, started by Unity08 co-founders Doug Bailey and Gerald Rafshoon, posted a new Web video warning Bloomberg that he has 10 days to officially put himself in the presidential race as a third-party candidate.
The video features a digital clock running down–as seen on Fox Network show “24,” the ticking of a time bomb and footage of an explosion, presumably a terrorist attack. It urges people to sign the petition at DraftBloomberg.com. It was so dramatic I was one terrorist explosion away from adding my electronic signature to the petition in virtual support of the billionaire mayor.
What’s the rush? “With ballot access laws in several states requiring early action, time is running out,” the committee’s press release stated. “Virtually any effort to qualify for the Texas ballot, for example, must begin the day after the Texas primary on March 4.”
According to Bailey, the decision has to be made in this time frame to get out in front of the Lone Star State primary, which is expected to generate a huge turnout and potentially decide the Democratic contest.
Well no amount of flashy Adobe Premier Elements is going to persuade Bloomberg to make a hasty decision. The NYC mayor may not decide until May whether to run for president, according to associates.
Mayor Michael Bloomberg Thursday put some oomph behind his daily denial of his presidential aspirations. His response to a reporter’s question during an appearance at Google’s New York headquarters in Chelsea signaled an end to the speculation:
“I’ve said repeatedly I’m not a candidate…and I’ll stay that way.”
These new, seemingly definitive, comments come after California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (formerly one of Bloomberg’s biggest allies) announced earlier last week that the Governator plans to endorse Sen. John McCain in the GOP primary Tuesday. That blow, coupled with the permanence of the word “stay,” had followers of this one-man presidential debate thinking Bloomberg finally made up his mind not to run.
But, alas, a new wrinkle was added to the confusion on Friday when Bloomberg called the presidential race “wide open” on his weekly WABC-770 radio show. The comment came after host John Gambling if the primary results would give him “an opportunity to re-evaluate your personal situation.” Of course, the comment could have meant nothing, but with Democrat-turned Republican-turned Independent-turned ellipses-Mayor Bloomberg you have to assume he meant something by it.
Maurice Carroll, director of the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute, says the mayor means to send mixed messages and just “wants to have a little fun.” Oh, you billionaire playboys and your fun. Who doesn’t “toy” with the idea of running a free nation every once and a while?
So, will he or won’t he? The answer is… question mark. It looks like Bloomberg is happy dragging out the drama for as long as possible. The suspense is more palpable than the back-and-forth romance between Ross and Rachel on TV’s ”Friends.” Stay tuned.
Bloomberg called for a major national investment in public works projects during his latest news conference with California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell in South Central Los Angeles on Saturday. The visit is the third time in the past six months that Bloomberg has traveled to California, which “at 55 has the largest number of electoral votes.”
On Friday, the mayor met privately in Austin, Texas, with noted ballot-access expert Clayton Mulford, who ran Ross Perot’s two independent bids for president, after a public appearance with seven-time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong and former U.S. Surgeon General Richard Carmona to discuss health care. Texas, which has some of the toughest rules for getting on the ballot as a third-party candidate, is second only to California with 34 electoral votes.
Bloomberg is staying mum so maybe we should consider all his non-preparation mere curiosity about what it takes to get on the ballot in November. Meanwhile, a source close to the mayor told CNN, “Bloomberg will decide by early March whether he will pursue an independent bid for the White House.”
