Because I Said So…

Americans are constantly being told what they do, think and feel believe.  Last night I think someone told me on CNN that my gender and race all but render me helpless if I am a Democrat and have to choose between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

Pundits, scientists, commentators and busy-bodies have been polling and guessing (wrongly) how we are voting in this country since election season began.  I thought it was time to speak to the one type of person whom no one seems to be asking about the presidential race: a voter!

Kwame Thomison is a recent Cornell University graduate.  He earned a B.A. in Information Science with a concentration in law.  He also has no affiliation with any particular party, like, apparently, around one-third of the country is–at least, that’s what the pundits told me.

 Check out the audio from the interview, below.  We talk about his take on the impact of third-party and independent presidential candidates this year and how student governments in colleges mimic the democratic electoral process we hold so dear in America.

http://becauseisaidsoonline.net/audio/Constituencyspeaks.mp3

 A full transcript of the interview after the jump.

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…In reality they will likely post your home address and phone numbers on their blogs if you mess with their leader.  A teacher and Live Journal user “Makkabee” made the mistake of writing a post on his personal blog about an inspired math lesson he used to help his students learn about line graphs.  And poor Makkabee soon incurred the wrath of the Ron Paul Nation.

In the offending post, the teacher wrote about how he “talked about the [presidential] candidates rising or falling, and extending the lines on their graphs, I’d end with “and Ron Paul stayed flat” and add another segment to his straight line near the zero marker.” 

Apparently the kids loved it, but Paul supporters did not.  So they defended the outcast GOP candidate with all the might their love for him and the Internet can muster.  According to a post Makkabee wrote the next day, his real name, phone number and address were on Ron Paul Forums all over cyberspace.  Paul-heads are so good, they should be hired by the CIA to locate Al-Qaida cells.

Yikes.  Let’s just hope they stick to virtual harassment.  Although, Makkabee claims they “reported on his planned movements.”  Hmmm.  Did I ever mention that I was kidding whenever I talked smack about Paul on this blog?  Please, don’t take my lunch money.

Read Makkabee’s egregiously offensive post after the jump.

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Still not satisfied with your presidential options?  Here are some of the more amusing independent and third-party candidates you can wastecast a vote for in November.   There’s a “vampire,” a marijuana proponent, and a wholistic healer.  God bless America!

“Average Joe” Schriner:  An average Joe for president.  Shriner wants us to “…imagine that!”  The common man with common sense and uncommon solutions wants you to give him your vote once again.  According to his website, Average Joe ran in 2000 and 2004 too.  At least that’s what I gathered from the 0 and 4 crossed out before the 8 in a stroke of graphic genius on his site’s banner.  Here’s what Joe wants you to know: 

“I jog through the streets of Cleveland, Ohio, in a pair of gray sweats. My favorite spot to eat is the “Old-Fashion Hot Dogs” place around the corner (chili-dogs a buck and a quarter). What’s more, I cut my own lawn.  Oh, and I’m running for president.”

Isn’t it great when presidential candidates make their campaign an afterthought?

 Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey:  The Impaler, as his fans affectionately refer to him, is the founding member, and 50 percent of the total membership, of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.  The Federal Election Commission actually recognizes the party.   There is nothing I could possibly say about Sharkey that is better than what he writes about himself on his MySpace page.

“I am asking for everyone to please forget about my religious beliefs.  Yes, I am a satanic vampyre (sic), and a Hecate witch…That is not what I am running on…It’s very simple.  If you want to live in peace and have child molesters, rapists, killers, drug dealers, and terrorists impaled, instead of getting off easy then vote for me.  It’s that simple…I will bring Americans peace of mind.”

Somehow this looks more ominous written in all caps on his site.  Oh, and his mentioning that if you “attack someone I love, killing you will be as easy as breathing to me.  I will make Rambo look like Mother Teresa,” disturbs me a little.  Sounds like a good campaign slogan, though:  “I will make Rambo look like Mother Teresa.”  He’s got my vote!

Hilarity ensues after the jump.

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Temperance lecturer, landscape painter, and Minister Gene Amondson wants to add U.S. president to his list of occupations.  He is the Prohibition Party’s presidential candidate. 

This will be Amondson’s second presidential run.  He campaigned under the Prohibition Party with the same one-plank platform–no booze–in 2004.  For some reason, the Prohibition Party thinks alcohol is the biggest issue this country faces.  Health care?  Negligible.  Iraq War?  Who cares?  Alcohol?  Grab your torch and pitchforks!  Yup, they want to bring back the golden age of 1929.  Are they drunk?  No.  And this bad-ass photo from his website makes me think Amondson means business:

Amondson seems like a guy with a sense of humor.  He picketed outside Anheuser-Busch in St. Louis holding a wine bottle and dressed as the Grim Reaper.  Clearly, the Amondson is targeting the youth vote. He reprised this role for the “Daily Show” in 2004 when the program did a segment on the Prohibition Party during the presidential elections.  Check it out here.  The clip is almost as funny as it would be if he actually won.  What a sobering thought…  (Try reading that comment while you’re drunk.  You will find it more amusing.)

According to an article by the Independent Institute, Ron Paul would have fit right in with the founding fathers.  The writer draws parallels between Paul’s “policy prescriptions of more limited government at home and military restraint abroad” and the mindset of the drafters of the Constitution. 

Apparently Paul’s foreign policy ideas “put him far closer to the spectrum of opinion at the founding than any other candidate in the 2008 race.”  Here are some of the highlights from the article that showcase why George Washington would have wanted to buy Paul a Sam Adams back in the day:

“The Washington Post, in an op-ed dedicated entirely to undermining Paul’s candidacy, argued that Paul is an “isolationist” who would withdraw from Iraq immediately, wouldn’t defend South Korea if it were attacked by the North, and has attempted to understand why Osama bin Laden attacks the United States.  Yet the nation’s founders were not isolationists, and neither is Paul. Like the founders, he wants to avoid unneeded and unconscionable military attacks on other countries that pervert the republic at home.”

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